Describing the Psychopath or Sociopath with a Christian Perspective
Written by George Hartwell M.Sc. a Christian counsellor and registered psychotherapist with a masters in clinical psychology and 40 years experience.
ONE: There is emptiness in the psychopath / sociopath (Emptiness, empty feeling, Something is Missing)
Emptiness is an important sign. It reflects an underlying reality having to do with our emotional core. In the biblical perspective this is the human spirit. It is at this core that we bond, love, empathize and enjoy life. When the core is not working we will feel empty inside and cut off from others.
No, emptiness is associated with Borderline disorders, Narcissists, Avoidant Personality, and the Psychopath - all the major personality disorders. However, it can also be a temporary state among others due to personality trauma.
If you can imagine your inner person as being put in a dark prison and cut off from life, that will give a picture of what has happened inside.
People report they feel like something is missing inside.
People also report feeling like a glass wall separates them from others.
This is a foundational or core condition.
Within Christian Psychotherapy this inner core is the human spirit - present in all of us but not functioning in a mature way in everyone. How well we are functionning at this level depends fundamentally on the love foundation laid in the family and followed up in an adult love relationship and in a heart connection with God in which we receive lots of the Father's love into our spirit. You can pray to receive God's love to fill up and convert your spirit.
Emptiness is an important sign. It reflects an underlying reality having to do with our emotional core. In the biblical perspective this is the human spirit. It is at this core that we bond, love, empathize and enjoy life. When the core is not working we will feel empty inside and cut off from others.
No, emptiness is associated with Borderline disorders, Narcissists, Avoidant Personality, and the Psychopath - all the major personality disorders. However, it can also be a temporary state among others due to personality trauma.
If you can imagine your inner person as being put in a dark prison and cut off from life, that will give a picture of what has happened inside.
People report they feel like something is missing inside.
People also report feeling like a glass wall separates them from others.
This is a foundational or core condition.
Within Christian Psychotherapy this inner core is the human spirit - present in all of us but not functioning in a mature way in everyone. How well we are functionning at this level depends fundamentally on the love foundation laid in the family and followed up in an adult love relationship and in a heart connection with God in which we receive lots of the Father's love into our spirit. You can pray to receive God's love to fill up and convert your spirit.
Does something cause a person to become a psychopath, or are they just born that way?
As a therapist my focus is on personality variables based on a person's upbringing. In order to answer as a Christian therapist I need to add another term into our understanding of the person, or, in fact, I will use three terms: the Rational Brain - conscious verbal intellect, the Emotional Brain meaning the source of our decisions based on past social-emotional experience and the human spirit which I call the Intuitive Brain.
If you understand the role of the human spirit you can better understand the Psychopath. The human spirit makes us human and without it we are more like an animal.
The human spirit needs to mature and it can only do so through consistent love received through consistent trust channels called in Psychological research bonding or attachment. more than half of us have damaged bonding and a crippled ability to love and bond to others.
Psychopaths, and likely Borderlines, have the most extreme wounding in the area of bonding and attachment. Their ability to receive love is broken. Their ability to hold and maintain the trust in the love they receive is broken. Therefore, their human spirit has not been nurtured and has not grown. leaving a deep emotional immaturity.
The less loving, nurturing human contact from mother, father, family and village, the less healthy attachment, the less love retained, the less emotional growth of the emotional core (human spirit) the less there is adult empathy, compassion, morality and the more risk of evil, cruel behaviour without conscience.
Psychopaths are very immature infants (emotionally) with little or no adult conscience (which is rooted in empathy) because they are incapable of it. Their rational brain can be brilliant which makes them very dangerous when linked to no empathy or mature conscience.
This is my humble attempt to explain psychopathy within this model of personality. Let me know if you have any questions. In this view bonding is the core area lacking in the childhood of the psychopath.
==================================
Can attachment disorders be linked with Personality disorders such as Psychopathy later in life?
Positive attachment leads to healthy relationships with peers and adults, healthy curiosity and learning and healthy self-confidence and self-esteem. Positive attachment forms the core of healthy personalities.
Attachment disorders quite definately form the deepest foundation of the most serious personality disorders. Weak and broken attachment forms the core of later personality disorders. So, yes, weak and broken attachment:
1. Is the common factor among personality disorders.
2. Always leads to weak emotional intelligence at the empathic level.
3. Will be associated with lack of empathy.
4. Is associated with weak or poor bonding in adult relationships. It will result in an ‘orphan spirit’ which finds it easy to detach from a love relationship and move on.
5. Is associated with an ‘hole in the bucket’ when it comes to receiving love and nurture. The person feels like they are not loved. Their parents or spouse feels like they are an empty bucket.
6. Weakens the ability to have self-control of emotions which is demonstrated most dramatically in the Borderline personality.
7. Results in the inability to develop a mature conscience, for the mature conscience requires empathy at its heart.
8. Results in social behaviour that is emotionally immature for their age. They are much younger emotionally than their age.
9. Leaves a person feeling distant from others as if a glass wall of separation was in place.
10. Leaves a feeling of emptiness inside - a sense that something is missing.
What psychopaths lack is a strong sense of empathy that guides their social behaviour. They still have feelings. When they decide to get revenge there is a strong feeling of hatred and bitterness there? When they pre-emptively attack their spouse because of fear of abandonment, is that not deep fear and insecurity?
==================================
Can a psychopath have depression?
Yes, a psychopath can have depression. According to my theory and observation, psychopathy feelings are present in psychopathy even if in a muffled state.
In my theory each person has a Rational Brain, an Emotional Brain meaning the source of our decisions based on past social-emotional experience and a human spirit. which one could call the Intuitive Brain.
The Rational Brain includes our conscious verbal intellect and our will - the one that gives us the feeling that I am making this decision. I am in control.
Our Emotional Brain is our prime mover - motivating and giving passion. It is the source of our attitudes, core beliefs and, therefore, personality patterns. It does all this by working with selected experiences that are important to the person. We are aware of our feelings when our emotional brain is active.
No one understands the role of the human spirit but doing so is essential for understanding the Psychopath. The human spirit makes us human and without it we are more like an animal.
The human spirit needs to mature and it can only do so through consistent love received through consistent trust channels called in Psychological research bonding or attachment. more than half of us have damaged bonding and a crippled ability to love and bond to others.
Psychopaths have the most extreme wounding in the area of bonding and attachment. Their ability to receive love is broken. Their ability to hold and maintain the trust in the love they receive is broken. Therefore, their human spirit has not been nurtured and has not grown. leaving a deep emotional immaturity.
The less loving, nurturing human contact from mother, father, family and village, the less healthy attachment, the less love retained, the less emotional growth of the emotional core (human spirit) the less there is adult empathy, compassion, morality and the more risk of evil, cruel behaviour without conscience.
Psychopaths are very immature infants (emotionally) with little or no adult conscience (which is rooted in empathy) because they are incapable of it. Their rational brain can be brilliant which makes them very dangerous when linked to no empathy or mature conscience.
Depression can be characterized as the condition that occurs when we are short of life energy.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Can a marriage with sociopath partner be saved?
This depends on the emotional maturity of the spouse and on how intelligent and high functioning is the sociopath.
Any marriage with a psychopath is at risk and will only last only if the other partner has very high relationship skills, really feels strong love for the sociopath and is able to live in a relationship where their needs are not able to surface. This makes for a very one-sided and unstable relationship, but it can be done, for a while.
The best way to 'save' the marriage would be for the non-psychopathic spouse to get regular high quality counselling and therapeutic support.
======================
Psychopathy and Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD): what are the differences and similarities of the two?
It is very interesting to consider this question but it is difficult to answer.
The Avoidant Personality is difficult to really know because they are very hidden and create illusions and appearances to keep them hidden. The main thing that their spouse learns is that they are not available.
The Psychopath also is highly skilled at appearances. The motive may be different. A psychopath is also really difficult to get to know or understand. The psychopath may be just doing their best to get along and get their needs met.
Common to both is difficulty in getting to really know them, reach their heart or bond to them. They may not allow or be able to allow themselves to bond, attach and deeply connect with another.
We know the psychopath is capable of great cruelty and hateful activity. It is almost like they need to get revenge even before you hurt them. When a psychopath is going after you, they will do everything in their power to destroy you. They are ruthless without clear awareness that their actions are so hateful and immoral and even self-destructive.
The avoidant personality does not act cruel, hateful, revengeful or out to destroy you unless, only and as long you allow them to hide. For the spouse this mean as long the appearance of a relationship remains intact. They need to remain hidden. A silent divorce is perfectly acceptable. Who says you need love?
But if you start to expose them by dragging them to therapy or by leaving them, then you cross the red line and that ‘inner psychopath’ emerges with Hell’s fury.
So which of the two is more open to change? Which of the two is more open to love? Which is more likely to grow as a person, to embrace life?
We maybe need to trade experiences. My guess is that the avoidant personality disorder is least likely to embrace life, growth and love. That is because the avoidant’s avoidance of love and life is, I suspect, harder to overcome than the psychopath’s hurt /angry inner child’s anxiety in a love relationship.
=============================
How do I emotionally break from a probable psychopath?
If he is a true psychopath then he does not have a strong love connection with you and can replace you easily with another love partner by using his effective seductive techniques. The ability to con / influence / win someone is enhanced in the psychopath. So your partner will survive without you but there still may be dangers involved in separating.
Many psychopaths are deeply hurt by separation and abandonment. Inwardly they are like a little child in real pain. It is worse if you initiate the separation and they feel they have lost control. So take care in planing when to break. It needs to happen when he is initiating separation.
The psychopath is likely to do something to destroy you to express revenge or regain control. They may even try to get back with you so he can reject you.
Often the Psychopath will destroy all you relationships from family, friends and work. Therefore, be sure to inform and keep up to date your family and close friends. You may lose some relationships when you break up with the psychopath unless you do very careful legwork. Request that your friends and family be on your side by not talking with with him.
Open the conversation with them. Ask them if they ever sensed anything wrong with him. Ask for their observations on how you have changed in this relationship. They may already observe something.
Have the support and guidance of an experienced counsellor.
=======================
Written by George Hartwell M.Sc. a Christian counsellor and registered psychotherapist with a masters in clinical psychology and 40 years experience.
Sessions with George bring people to healing experiences in a loving safe environment. His reliable and innovative methods provide a compassionate focus on people's feelings, a wise understanding of their issues and psychological and faith-based solutions for change.
Phone (416) 939-0544 to set uo an initial session/consult. Phone, Zoom, FaceTime only.
My fee schedule is $150 per hour. Payment is by bank transfer or PayPal transfer.
There is a money-back guarantee. If, in the first session, you decide this is not a good fit for you, we will stop the session and cancel any payment due. I want this to work for you and for me.